That’s right, in our family to have my kids playing with fire is very common. And both me and my husband are very fine with that!
I hear you thinking “here she goes again, she’s totally nuts!” But for those who have read more stuff on this blog, it won’t be a surprise that I like to question conventional parenting truths and do stuff a little different. I recall some of my closest friends frowning while reading my article on telling the truth about St-Nicolas to my kids. But hey, give me a chance to explain before you judge me too harsh 🙂
I bet you have heard before that kids should not play with fire. I know that I heard that a lot. And rightly so, as the National Fire Protection Association reports that kids playing with fire cause about 10.000 fires a year. So we conclude from here that kids need to be told that playing with fire is dangerous.
But that is exactly why I believe it is important for me as a parent to do some fire play activities with the kids. This way I can teach them the basics of how to deal with fire rather than letting them discover this element by themselves and get into trouble.
“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”-Mark Twain
My point is that kids play with fire out of curiosity. As a parents we can tell our kids not to play with fire, we can even explain them why. But I believe you can’t take away their curiosity. So chances are high that one day they will experiment with fire anyway. Just that they will do it in secret and unsupervised. And with a bit of bad luck you’ll make it into the fire accidents statistics. Of course it’s up to you to decide how you want your kid(s) to learn about fire. I decided to tackle their curiosity!
By playing with fire in a controlled environment, I let my kids experience fire in a relative safe way. That’s why kids playing with fire is perfectly OK in our house, as long as I am with them! For my kids playing with fire means often that they get to play with candles. This requires some preparation but they have lots of fun with it.
As a preparation I put some sort of a cover on the living room table to protect it from wax. I use a big piece of wood or sturdy plastic. As well, I make sure to a plate close-by to put the used matches and a bowl of water …. just in case. Then I get out the candles and matches and make the room semi-dark so the fire play can start.
How are my kids playing with fie? I let them experiment in various ways to really get accustomed with candles and fire:
Lighting matches: One by one, I let each of our kids try to light a match. It’s a little hard at first, but with some guidance they quickly learn how to do it. And for the kids it is super exciting to do this. Be prepared for some great looks of amazement and excitement on their faces.
Blowing out the matches: Once they know how to light a match, it is important to teach them how to put it out and not to panic. I let them feel how their fingers get hot when the match burns too far so they know that they need to stop it before it gets close to the fingers.
How to hold a burning match: I show them that if you hold the fire lower than your hand, the match will burn very fast and it might burn your fingers. So I practice with them to hold the match with the fire up and keep their hand down, under the fire.
Lighting the candles: Once they got it how they need to hold the match, I light some candles and then I invite them to do the same. This way they practice some more of the “how to hold a burning match” technique.
Blowing the candles: Of course that once the candles are lit, they beg to be put out! So blowing the candles, and then lighting them again is one of the things my kids like the most when they play with fire.
Feeling the heat: I let them put their hand at different distances of the candle to feel how it gets hotter the closer they get. This way they get to realize the danger of the fire and that they should not get too close.
Color show: I discover together with them that fire can have different colors. from blue, to red and yellow.
Feeling the hot/warm wax: Once we blow all the candles and there is no more fire, I turn on the light and let them experiment a bit with putting some liquid wax on their fingers. They put their fingers in the transparent wax and then they watch it get solid and change colors on their hands. Then we examine the little wax molds they did ….. and then, they want to start over again 🙂
Be warned, accidents can happen very fast. So as an adult you do need to stay around and be alert.
During our play it sometimes happens that one of the kids panics and drops a burning match on the table. As long as you have a protective board, some water and you stay alert, there is no problem. I also do this always with 2 adults, so if there is any accident, one adult can deal with the mess, while the other can continue to supervise the rest of the kids playing with fire. I believe that as long as you do this in a controlled way, big accidents are very unlikely to happen and these small accidents actually help the kids learn how to deal with fire.
Recent studies confirm that allowing kids to do risky play to some extend helps them in their development. It actually also helps them to better judge and manage risks in real life situations.
So what do you think now about kids playing with fire?
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Actually I think this is a really good idea. I am nervous with fire even as an adult (embarrassing but true), I think its best that children learn from a young age how to handle fire, and not to be afraid but not to take an unnecessary risks with it either – but to understand, quench their curiosity, and learn about fire safely.
Hello Anna, and thanks for stopping by!
I’m happy to hear that you also find it a good idea! When I posted this, I was actually wondering weather people will find this idea over the top or not. So thanks for your kind words!
I agree 100 percent. my three children learnt to make a fire with a magnifying glass at 3 years old. They also all know how to create a log fire and often help with the log burner at grandma and grandads. I think they are essential life skills which may one day be needed. Because they have had the opportunity whilst supervised they know how to do it safely etc. they have no reason to play with fire whilst I am not around and I am certain they never will
Thanks Shelley! I never tried to lit a fire with the magnifying glass but I bet that’s quite cool for the kids. We should also try that out!
Your kids seem quite knowledgeable around fire and I think that you’re totally right saying that they have no reason to play with fire whilst you’re not around. I think you “killed their curiosity” 🙂
I’m with Anna!
If you keep them away from it, they only get more curious to found out.
And maybe desiding to do that on their own instead of under supervision!
What is forbidden with no reason seems to attrack them most…
Like seeing a Cupcake and saying You are not allowed to eat it…walk away…and then?
They will explore the ‘Why not’ ?
So to prevent like in this subject “Fire”….is always better.
Takes the “Heat” off their mind….!
Learn them all about it!
(Next step….Fire Safety Family House Plan….How can we leave the house when there is Fire, and what must we do?)
I fully agree Elvira!
This is a great post!
Thanks for joining the Link Up this week!
Definitely an important life skill to learn! Thanks for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I have pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.
I couldn’t disagree with you more. My son experimented with fire with an adult around (Mom and Grandma) on different occasions and talked about the dangers and that you only do that when with an adult and a lot of what you wrote about….that experimenting sparked his curiosity more. It all happened 2 weeks to one day before he played with a lighter and destroyed the whole inside of our home. One year later, a total loss of the inside of the house and our possessions, we are back to “normal” and have learned a good lesson.
It’s better to say NEVER touch fire and fire making things unless you are an adult. Yes you could say my son didn’t listen to our instruction about only with adults around why would he listen to it if we said never…however, I think it peaked his interest too much. It also showed him how to do something he didn’t know how to do before (light a match and turn the lighter on). I agree with you theory on a lot of things with exposing with parents but fire is too dangerous to mess around with. My son got away from large flames within inches of him with only singed eye brows, thankfully and the rest of the us made it out safely too.
I am sorry to hear about your accident Angie, and I’m happy that no one was seriously hurt. I cannot imagine what you have gone through.
I however believe that if a child knows how to handle fire is much better than if he/she doesn’t.
I do teach my kids to handle fire but I don’t let any “fire tools” for them to reach. They are kids and I cannot ask them to resist the temptation of trying things. Given the opportunity they will try. So I do teach them to handle fire- to take away their curiosity and give them a sense of danger- but I also make sure they are not confronted with the temptation of doing so. My kids are still small so they don’t even know where we keep the matches or the candles. This way if they’d really want to experiment they’d have to talk to us first.
Another thing I do is that I don’t protect them from fire. The first time when we played with fire Lukas burned his fingers a bit when he lit his first match. Nothing serious -after 2 minutes of crying he was fine and wanted to try again- but you bet that after that experience he was super careful whit lighting the matches and blowing them out.
I think some things are better learned when you experience them yourself. Like Mark Twain says “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way“. It’s going to be painful, but he learns. I believe that my kids know now that fire is dangerous and it’s not for them to play with alone. And despite all this, I make sure the temptation of lighting a fire is not present.
I agree with you to a point. I dont think we should be teaching our children at young ages to light lighters or matches. However, I have let my children go near flames (like letting them put their hand over the fire or to warm their hands by a fireplace) just so they actually know it is hot. I would NEVER let them play with fire (they will think its a game and fun) just like you would never let them play with knives or guns. I won’t judge the mother who lets her kids do this activity as a fun thing, I think parents meddle and judge too much!
To add on this it is a parents job to teach and at the same time PROTECT..if you see your child is in error (if you allow them to light matches) you shouldn’t let them get burned to teach them a lesson…would you let them get cut from a knife to teach them it can hurt? (yes I know this is a bit judgemental but its a parents job to protect if you know they will harm themselves)
I think these are all great ideas, Angela. My kids are both slightly nervous of matches because I’ve shown them how to strike them but forgotten that knowing to blow it out before it gets too low is not necessarily common sense! (It’s okay – no burns, they’ve forgiven me and I’ve learned my lesson!)
Fire is fascinating and kids will be curious no matter whether we show them how to be safe or not – so we may as well teach them. I did a mini-project on the chemistry of candles with my 9 and 10 year olds this year. They learned loads, and so did I. My daughter asked if we could do a whole science project on fire … I’m still thinking about that one!
Thank you Lucinda. The project you did is also very nice. It’s a bit too advanced for my kids 3, 5 and 6 years, but in some years it will be a fun thing to do. I pinned it here for future reference 🙂
I think a science project on fire would be cool. You could try burning different substances and see the different colors and the intensity of the flame (depending on what you’re burning). Have a look here and here for inspiration 😉
But I guess you need to make it very clear that they should not start experimenting with this by themselves. Because you wouldn’t want them to try to burn down the curtains or who knows what “just to experiment” 😉